Josh Cox: Miracles 50
Part II - The End of Faith
(Elite Athlete Blog - Entry #9)
Posted May 18th, 2008 at 1:30 PM by Josh Cox
Section: News & Results, Marathons, Motivation, Trail / Ultra, Elite Athlete Blogs, Josh Cox
Welcome to the official blog of U.S. marathon runner Josh Cox. Every other Wednesday visit http://joshcox.thefinalsprint.com for Cox’s latest blog entry and for more information, also please visit: www.joshcox.com
Faith – noun: strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual understanding rather than proof.
“Those who wish to succeed must ask the right preliminary questions.”
- Aristotle,
Metaphysics, II, (III), I.Pascal’s Wager
“Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists.”
- Blaise Pascal, French Mathematician, physicist, and religious philosopher
The 1997 Mountain Masochist 50 Miler started just before dawn. The leaders and I passed 3 miles in under 18 minutes. Six minute pace, easy, I could do this all day, only 47 more to go.
During “ultras” – that’s runner nerd for “ultra marathon” – there are aid stations about every four miles. If athletes are hungry – they eat, if they’re thirsty –they drink, if they need a rinse – their crew douses them with water. A crew is essential; all the top runners have one. Crews, typically, are buddies who enjoy running but aren’t dumb enough to actually race beyond 26.2 miles. My crewman was Chad Davis, a walk-on from Sacramento, a cool guy – particularly since he rented out our attic.
Through 20 miles everything was going according to plan.
Only 25 more miles before I unleashed my secret strategy, I thought. They won’t know what hit them. (See last blog for secret strategy.)
I’d never raced farther than 13.1, run farther than 20, or digested food during any sort of effort. Uncharted territory – still my favorite place. Whenever I don’t know what I’m doing, I emulate someone who does. This race was no different: when they drank, I drank, when they ate, I ate - so far so good. A few miles later things unraveled. Stomach issues.
Think Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd spikes Harry’s drink with ex lax before he picks up Mary Samsonite Swanson.
You’re tracking now. I was Harry on the high trails.
I reached the next aid station and met Chad.
“I need some paper.”
His brow raised, I shrugged, he tracked down some Charmin and off I went, a stride behind the leaders.
I made it about 2 minutes and had to stop to take care of business. I caught back up but it happened again… and again and again. Run, stop, fertilize, catch leaders. Run, stop, fertilize, catch leaders. Run, stop… etcetera, etcetera… this aint goin’ so hot. After the fourth time I had lost too much ground and was relegated to running solo in fourth place.
Great, just the way you draw it up, worst idea I ever had. Like I said in the last blog, I wasn’t doing this race to say I finished a 50 miler, I was running it to win – now both prospects seemed dismal.
Fortunately some of the other runners started having trouble. By 32 miles I had worked my way into second place behind, two-time defending race champion and course record holder, Courtney Campbell - one of the best ultra runners in the country.
I started praying in the silence of my heart, “Lord Jesus, if this is what you have for me today, I’m OK with that - You know my heart; I just want to be faithful. Help me, give me strength.”
Nothing happened. Nothing at all.
Well, that’s not entirely true, something did happen - things got worse. I stopped a few more times, more discouraged, disappointed, and dehydrated. Is it too late to use that ticket to Cali?
8 stops in all - I’d be fortunate to make it to the finish. Around 40 miles, I was shuffling along with that sort of stride that barely clears the floor. Some of the footing had been pretty rocky and technical, fortunately, this area was smooth because a stride later my foot caught the edge of a rock and down I went. There I was, on hands and knees staring at the trail.
I’ll never finish. My legs are shot. I’m dehydrated, I thought.
What if I just stay here? Yes… this is the answer. I’ll roll onto my back, stare at the sky, other runners will come, some will offer to help, others will pass without saying a word – it will be a modern day Good Samaritan story except when they offer to carry me to the aid station I’ll refuse, explaining that I’d rather stay and lay than call my mom and tell her I couldn’t finish the only race I ever dedicated to her. Soon, the ants will come; they’ll crawl over me, I won’t flinch because I won’t care. Hours will pass, the race medics will arrive but I’ll just stare at the clouds and stars. I can’t bear the thought of telling my mom another man in her life has let her down. The medics will leave and thousands – no millions - of ants will crawl underneath and hoist me on their back. They’ll take me a quarter mile off the trail to their hidden hideaway beneath a large Oak tree - one with a large odd-looking knot on its side. A group of ants will hurry ahead, climb the tree, depress the knot, and a secret chamber will open up – one reserved for big game. They’ll walk me inside, the ants with the painted faces will beat their drums, the others will stare in amazement; it will be like Gulliver’s Travels except they won’t have to tie me down. I’ll just lay limp staring at the ants intricate tunnel system on the outer edge of the hollow Oak.
They’ll begin figuring out a way to eat me; the end will be near, until the Queen notices a single tear running from my cheek. She’ll crawl atop my chest and ask why I cry. I won’t answer, I’ll only take a few, long, deep, breaths that quiver a little on the way down, The Queen will ask again but I’ll just swallow. She’ll tell all the ants to let me be for the night. When it’s time for bed, I’ll overhear the Queen’s baby son talking to his brothers, “I don’t want to disappoint mom,” he’ll say. They’ll nod; I’ll chime in and tell him I know just how he feels.
The ant will climb atop my chest and say, “We all work so hard to please her - I want to make her proud. I want the other ants to like me too but they’re all so fickle, fair-weather, and performance based. I just wished they liked me for me, not for what I do or how well I do it. I want real friends.”
I’ll nod, in an understanding way; and tell the ant everything that happened:
The bad stuff between my dad and me, the drama with my dad and mom, and how I dedicated the race to her. One by one ants will start listening in and by the end of the story all hundred million ants will be crying, even the mean, painted faced, drummer ones. The Queen will come out of her chamber and announce that she loves them all not for what they do but for who they are - she’ll tell them that she is proud of them no matter what.
I’ll become their friends and in time their family. Like Gulliver in Lilliput. I’ll bring them honey, fresh berries from trees; it will be a good life. In twenty years I’ll reenter society only to find that the ant home in the Oak is where I belong. Yes, the ant life will be a good life. I won’t have to take the Kinesiology exam next week, I won’t have to figure out how to get to the finish line, and most of all I won’t have to call my mom and tell her I failed.
Earth-to-Josh. Stand-up-Josh. You there? Over. Huh? The race! Get up! No more ant dreams!
I stood, brushed my knees, and walked, just keep moving forward, one step at a time. Those who have attempted this sort of thing, those who have worked their body to a point of non function - that is, to the point where the body no longer responds to impulses from the brain - will tell you when things get this bad, it’s time to call it a day – go home, eat, drink, sleep, pack on the ice, get a massage and have a better plan next time. Things don’t go from horrible to highlights, they go from horrible to horrendous. I was an absolute train wreck, the wheels were off, my legs were trashed, I was caput, finished, done. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.
I doddered into the next the aid station doing my best to keep up appearances in front of the other runner’s crews. Arms high, chest out, look royal, make it look easy… man this hurts.
I reached the aid station, sat down in a chair and offered Chad a glassed over gaze.
“How are you doing?”
Sigh.
“Can I get you anything?”
My face felt pale as paper. I shook my head. “A PowerGel.”
I took the gel, some water and stared at my feet.
“You’re almost home Josh. You’re close.”
Yeah, maybe on an atlas. “I’ll do my best,” deep breath, “not much in the tank.”
“You’re about 5 minutes back.”
An eternity. I nodded.
If he only knew second place was an afterthought – I needed to figure out a way to cover eight more miles. Sitting wasn’t such a hot idea. I stood, shuffled out of the area, got out of sight and started walking again.
Eight more miles… may as well been a hundred.
I began to pray, in my head again, asking the Lord for help, for strength. And to my surprise, I heard a voice. Not a booming, Samuel L. Jackson, Pulp Fiction - Bible Experience type voice, not an echoing Luke, I am your father Vader voice – it wasn’t even an audible voice in my head, it was a voice spoken to my heart. I know it sounds crazy, particularly since this isn’t a Christian athletes forum. If you’ve experienced it you know what I’m talking about, the voice resonates, it’s as clear as day. In Bibleland we see it time and time again, Moses at the burning bush (Exodus 3:2), young Samuel in a dark room (I Samuel 3:3-7), Ananias receiving word about Saul of Tarsus (Acts 9:11), Peter on the rooftop (Acts 10:10), just to name a few.
I know what you’re thinking, those are Bible people – Josh is not. But as USC philosophy professor Dallas Willard says, “The Bible is a story of examples not exceptions.” Talking to and hearing from God should be part of an intimate daily walk with Him.
I’ve heard from skeptics both in and out of the church, “I’m sorry but God has more important things to worry about than running.”
Wow. What a skewed perspective on the Lord, and an even sadder commentary on how those in the church view their Father. They limit Him, His power, and His greatness. They’ve tamed Him, they’ve put the Lion of Judah in a box, they’ve thrown Aslan in the zoo. God’s greatness is exactly what allows Him to hear simultaneous calls from a child soldier in Uganda, an abused girl in New York, a businessman chained to his addictions, and a call for help from a 22 year old in the high hills of Virginia. He’s omniscient. He’s omnipotent. He’s omnipresent. That’s how He does this sort of thing.
So I hear His voice.
“Pray out loud.”
I had never prayed out loud while running and to be frank, if I was moving along and passed someone running and praying aloud, I would pick up the pace, hope the guy didn’t follow me and warn my wife about the wacko in the woods. But after the ant dream, after hours of running a race that has over 9200ft. of gain and 7200ft. of loss, I was at the end of myself and figured I’d give it a go. Besides, who would know? The trees?
I started into a slow shuffle and began praying audibly:
“Lord, I need your help. I know you can do whatever you want… Help me to make it to the finish. Comfort my mom… You do remember I dedicated this race to her, right?”
That’s the way I started, or something close to that - then I heard the voice again, “Speak my words.”
The Bible. I was always good at memorization. I once scored a 100% on a 500 question final in high school. It was True/False, we had all the questions before hand, and since teachers like to reinforce truth only a third of the test was false. I memorized every false statement, anything I didn’t recognize I marked True. When she congratulated me on making another answer key I broke her the news; she was horrified.
So I started in:
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” (I Corinthians 9:24-27)
And do you know what happened?
Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I didn’t feel better, I felt stupid. Did I believe? Yes. Did I have faith? Yes, but as Willard said in his book Hearing God, “The infallibility of the messenger and the message does not guarantee the infallibility of our reception.” Basically, God is inerrant; I am not. I screw things up all the time. Maybe He didn’t say pray out loud; perhaps He said, look at clouds. The ants, never should have left the ants.
There I was, a 22 year-old, fifth year senior, running through the woods quoting the B-I-B-L-E yes, it’s the book for me.
I’m a freak boy - that’s what I am. I’m a Bible bangin’, loony tune actin’, Scripture quotin’, weirdo in the woods.
Cue the Seal and Gnarls Barkley – maybe I was crazy.
But I had a peace about this race, I prayed about this race. I knew I was supposed to run. At least I thought I did. Maybe I screwed that up too. Did he want to humble me – to reach 42 miles in second place only to fall apart?
I shuffled along.
“Lord? Please help. I need your strength; I can’t do this on my own.”
NOTICE: The following results are not typical. Individual results may vary.
What happened next forever changed my life and faith. I didn’t hear any more words but following His latest instruction I began quoting the prophet Isaiah. A passage I memorized, ironically enough, my freshman year at LU during the six weeks period interspersed between being questioned by State Police, being served a subpoena, and being booted from Liberty. That’s a different story, perhaps a different blog, but I was ejected, expelled, Sam Harris would contend I was emancipated. Yes, Josh Cox, a young troublemaker indeed. I shambled along, was hardly moving. I didn’t say the following - I prayed the following:
“Why do you say, O Jacob and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause has been disregarded by my God?’ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who wait upon The Lord, He will renew their strength, They will mount up with wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40 :27-31 NIV)
As my voice left my lips and entered the woods something magical started happening. With every step I felt my body gaining power, gaining strength, being rejuvenated, refreshed, and revitalized. My slow shuffle was gone. I was flying down the trail. My legs kept getting faster, and faster, and faster. I was thinking, this is going pretty well - keep quoting the verse. I repeated the passage over and over and over again. “Gives strength to the weary … increases the power of the weak,” My arms pumped harder, my legs moved faster, “They will run and not grow weary…” faster, faster. I was flying, floating even. “They will walk and not faint,” it was insane. A few miles earlier, I didn’t want to walk much less run another step, I was ready to become Ant-man of all things.
There I was, the turbo charged tenderfoot flying down the trail at breakneck speed. My body, my mind, my legs felt empowered, like I had just stepped onto the track for a 3-mile race. It made no worldly sense; my weakness had been exchanged for His strength.
Now understand, I wasn’t that weird guy who stood in the aisles at church with his arms in the air, moaning something indecipherable about poor old Uncle Billy, but when I felt what was happening I had to put out my arms. I was running through the woods, arms extended to my sides, palms up to the sky, trees flying by my left and right. I can’t help but smile as I write this; it was so awesome. I saw the leader around 45 miles, lowered my arms and flew by him like he was standing still. My lead grew and I reached the final straight. As I raced to the line I thought, Don’t ever doubt. Don’t ever forget.
I crossed the line, fell on bended knee and thanked God for what He did.
It’s all in the video below. A course record - I won by nearly ten minutes.
I had my plan going in but like Gideon and his troops, God did it His way so I’d know it was a gift from above. He didn’t perform the miracle merely to help me out; He performed the miracle to show His deity, to give me a rock-solid, unwavering, unshakeable faith. He did it to encourage the saints and reach the seeking.
Before or since, I’ve never felt the way I did on that trail but I remember it, cherish it, and haven’t been the same since.
That race changed my prayer life. It’s why I expected God to bring me water, it’s why I didn’t hesitate to lay hands on my dad’s cancer ridden stomach and ask for healing, it’s why I ask Him now to do the biggest miracle of all, to use me to impact and change lives in our world. My prayer is that He use me - in victory, in defeat, on a medal stand, as support, in lights, or in the shadows -– just use me. No limits. No boxes. No cages or zoos for Aslan. He threw the stars in the sky and makes the sun shine, I’m not going to try to tame Him or confine Him to a building or denomination. He is bigger than that.
Be available and He’ll use you. Have ears to hear and He’ll speak. Seek Him out and you will find Him… or He’ll find you, usually that’s the way it plays out. You, hunted by the Divine Hunter King – perhaps He has you here now, and is knocking, waiting, asking you to let Him in. Maybe it’s no coincidence you’ve read this far.
If you’ve been wounded or turned off by the religious right, the church, or the soapbox standing judgmental man, I apologize on their behalf and I want you to know I empathize and am doing what I can to undo the wrecking ball damage the church has inflicted. His message begins and ends with love and as such that’s how I try to live my life. It doesn’t matter what we say if our actions speak so loud you can’t hear our words. Actions wail - words whisper.
When I doubt, I remember what He did for me out there. When I hear people talk or write about God as a pseudo Santa – the imaginary man, bringing imaginary gifts, to an impractical people, when I read God Delusion or Sam Harris’ The End of Faith – it breaks my heart because I just wished they knew my Friend the way I do. The One who offers grace, love, mercy, second chances, understanding, forgiveness, an incomprehensible peace in the midst of the storm, and miraculous gifts for those who believe enough to ask.
FAITH – the bookends for this blog, the bookends for my life.
Faith – noun: strong belief in God… based on spiritual understanding rather than proof.
The 50 mile miracle, the day I leapt from spiritual understanding to all the proof I’d ever need for a thousand lifetimes. For me, that day marked The End of Faith.
–jc
Check back on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 for Josh’s latest entry at: http://joshcox.thefinalsprint.com/
To comment on this entry and to send feedback & questions to Josh, please click here.
Written while listening to: The Myriad’s new album With Arrows With Poise, The new Jason Mraz album We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things, a Johnny Cash musical smorgasbord (on video below), Tom Curren’s self titled album, Passion of the Christ Soundtrack (on video), a host of Third Day (on video), U2’s Yahweh (guitar riff on video), Marvin Gaye’s Inner City Blues, & R.E.M.’s In Time: Best of ’88-03
Thanks for reading. Check out the race day video below – excavated from October ’97 – made special for this blog. If you’ve been encouraged, leave a comment. If you think I’m crazy, leave a comment. If you hope I never write another word, leave a comment. Dialog is key. Share with your friends. More in two weeks… Cheers!
“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”
- Deuteronomy 4:9
“The other disciples said to Thomas, “We saw The Master.”
But Thomas doubted, saying, “Unless I see … I won’t believe it.”
Eight days later, his disciples were again in the room. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus came through the locked doors… and focused his attention on Thomas. “Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don’t be unbelieving. Believe.”
Thomas said, “My Master! My God!”
Jesus said, “So, you believe because you’ve seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.”
***Note: We encourage EVERYONE to see a doctor before altering their diet, taking a supplement and/or performing athletic, fitness or other strenuous physical activity. It is your responsibility to evaluate the accuracy, completeness and usefulness of any information, instruction, opinion or advice contained in the content. Please also see our complete disclaimer.***
Tags: elite athlete blog, elite athlete blog series, family, father son, josh cox, miracles, mom, Mountain Masochist 50 miler, thefinalsprint.com elite athlete blog series, trail running, ultra, ultra endurance, ultra marathon, ultramarathon, ultrarunning
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May 18th, 2008 at 11:45 amHey. Once again great blog!I got an A on that essay I wrote. My professor really enjoyed that interesting look I had on my writing.
The way you write makes me want to just go for a long run like that, it makes me want to just put down the computer and go for a long run. Since I started reading your blogs and seeing your connection with God I started to change my views and look to him more. My friends have all noticed a change in me and how I do things in these past couple months.
I always believed in God but I only recently started to pray daily and look to him when things get tough.
But reading about your running really is something that inspires me to work harder for my upcoming Cross Country season.
Thanks,
May 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pmAnthony
wow, best blog today REALLY inspirational.
May 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pmJC - Really enjoyed the finale to this story. I linked it from my blog! God Bless Brother!
May 18th, 2008 at 1:06 pmOriginally we had the following CS Lewis quote on the shoulder of Aristotle’s in the intro but it was too long… every time I tried to pair it down I found myself feeling like I was removing something essential. So unfortunately we pulled it - but it lives on here and makes the Aristotle quote make more sense! Enjoy! Thanks for reading and for the feedback!
“If immediate experience cannot prove or disprove the miraculous, still less can history do so. Many people think one can decide whether a miracle occurred in the past by examining the evidence ‘according to the ordinary rules of historical inquiry.’ But the ordinary rules cannot be worked until we have decided whether miracles are possible, and if so, how probable they are. For if they are impossible, then no amount of historical evidence will convince us. If they are possible but immensely improbable, then only mathematically demonstrative evidence will convince us… If, on the other hand, miracles are not intrinsically improbable, then the existing evidence will be sufficient to convince us that quite a number of miracles have occurred. The result of our historical enquiries thus depends on the philosophical views which we have been holding before we even began to look at the evidence. This philosophical question must therefore come first.”
Excerpt from CS Lewis’ book Miracles
May 18th, 2008 at 2:27 pmThese last two blogs were the best testimonial type things I’ve ever read. You are so blessed to have a day like that, and it’s really inspired me to keep my head and heart open for God. Keep running the race and fighting the good fight Josh!
May 18th, 2008 at 2:34 pmWoohooo!! I love it! It’s great that you share these stories. I was telling some of my other running friends both Christian and non-Christian about them. The Christians all thought they were great examples of God’s work and the non-Christians were a little speechless.
May 18th, 2008 at 8:40 pmJosh,
I just finished reading your blog and the tears are flowing. I wish I could say I’m over it but the truth is, you never get over it. Remembering those days and feeling like the true walking dead. Seeing your dreams shattered, not knowing how any of us would come through this experience and yet; it was a time when the presences of the Lord was so near. God met my needs in such miraculous ways and everything I had believed about the Lord became a living reality. The Lord spoke to me through His word everyday. Job 42:5 became a verse that meant so much to me. It says, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” My whole Christian life I said Jesus is enough and I found He was. Whenever I go back to that very painful place I am always sad it had to end that way, it was not the way I thought it would, but it is also a time that the Lord Himself became my refuge and strength. I think back to all the many people who were there for me in absolute incredible ways. I cannot think of that time without thinking of God’s goodness and love to me.
My prayer for each of you has been that God would heal all your hurts and each of you would become stronger in the Lord through this great loss. In retrospect this was nothing compared to the great loss of seeing your dad suffer and die with cancer. I truly regrets any pain I caused any of you during that time. We are not to waste our sorrows but use them as an opportunity to minister to others and God has been so faithful in allowing me to share with other broken woman the truth of the living Lord. I’m so thankful the Lord gave you the opportunity to be with your Dad and to heal your heart. There are so many bittersweet memories. I love the words of Sarah Kelly’s song, cherishing the good times and forgiving the bad times.
Thank you for your blog, it gave me the opportunity to go back to the wounded place and heal some more, from the inside out.
Love Mama
Josh, I read your blog again today and reflected on it throughout the day. I’m so thankful I have the time to be reflective. There were many years whenever I thought about the pain I would run from it instead of embracing it and looking to see what the Lord wanted to say to me in the midst of the pain. Recently, I purchased the book, “A New Kind of Normal,” to give to a friend going through deep waters. I had read Carol Kent’s first book, “Laying Down Your Issac” and this was the continuation of the story concerning her son who had been an outstanding cadet with all the honors who murders his ex wife’s husband. Carol Kent is an international speaker and had been to Shadow Mountain on numerous occasions to present her ministry, Speak Up. I was intrigued to say the least when I heard about her first book. I purchased the book to send to my friend and spent one day in front of the fireplace reading it. As I began to read the tears started and I just cried, over and over again as I read her struggle to trust God in the midst of this devastating circumstance. The following Thursday I went out to lunch with one of my ladies and she was sharing her story (everyone has one, but few are willing to be so vulnerable) full of betrayal and disappointments, I shared how I always think I am over it and then something I read, a memory, a song will bring me back to that very broken place. As we talked I shared how I had come to realize whenever I started crying or feeling that pain God wanted to minister to me in a deeper way and wanted to continue the healing process. She shared how she had been a physical therapist working with diabetic and burn patients. The patient would come in for a process called debridement. The dictionary defines debridement as the removal of dead, damaged or infected tissue from a wound in order to expose healthy tissue and allow the wound to heal. They actually scrub off the scabs of the wounds and clean them out from the inside out so real healing could continue. It was such a visual for me and now I know whenever I feel the tears coming I say thank you Lord for cleaning my wounds and making me whole and healthy from the inside out.
Thanks for listening, your writing produced more healing in my life.
Love and prayers,
May 18th, 2008 at 11:23 pmMama
i really enjoyed this post and am always heartened to see someone express their faith unabashedly. your story is the kind of thing that makes me uncomfortable in a good way; true faith is compelling even if it’s unnerving.
May 19th, 2008 at 12:42 amas a usc student i heard willard speak a few times and that guy is a giant of a thinker. he’s really up there.
on a less serious note, the way you worked the system to memorize true/false answers is just the kind of thing i used to pull.
JC-
“They” say a picture is worth a thousand words. You are one of God’s great talents. You paint pictures in my head with the words you write. I won’t lie. There are days when I forget that I need God in my life. Today was not one of those days. I looked to the sky and looked at God’s beauty while on my long run. It was incredible. I capped my night of with your blog. Today was a good day and I thank you for helping with that. Keep running, keep writing, and most of all, keep being you!!
May 19th, 2008 at 12:54 amCarrie and I just returned from our date night, dinner in La Jolla… great times, great sunset – couldn’t ask for more. I wasn’t going to reply tonight but when the mom writes in you change the plans!
Mom, hope Coronado was awesome! Glad you got caught up. I am so grateful you posted those two emails you sent me after the last blog – they are so great. Particularly these nuggets:
“We are not to waste our sorrows but use them as an opportunity to minister to others.” I liked how tears remind you to open up and allow the healing process to continue. What you said about healing from the inside out and the process of debridement was profound:
Debridement: “the removal of dead, damaged or infected tissue from a wound in order to expose healthy tissue and allow the wound to heal.”
Sadly, so many of us don’t want to experience the pain so we allow time to bury our wounds – the scabs to heal over – and we never remove the damaged tissue or foreign objects from our wounds.
You’re amazing mom, thanks for being so open. I pray your words minister to others the way they ministered to me. I love you deeply – thanks for always being our rock, our taxi, and an amazing example. (And for putting up with all of our shenanigans for so many years – you have to admit we did make things interesting. What other mom got free Taco Bell signs, Christmas decorations all over their yard, and had their 12 year old driving to Dairy Queen?) Thank God for mercy and grace!
Anthony, glad you got an A and more importantly, I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the blogs and that the words have resonated. Thanks for the feedback – it means so much.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:26 amThanks James, glad you were inspired!
Clark Z! Hope you liked the shout out link at the start of the blog. One day I will return to run that race, I don’t know when, but I give you my Governor’s promise – I’ll be back. ;)
Wendy, so glad I could be an encouragement – thanks for returning the favor!
Isaiah, thanks for the words. Funny, I get the same response. A while back I was kicking it with a buddy who doesn’t share my beliefs and he asked me why I believe what I believe. So I shared with him a few things, the Trilemma, the historical veracity of Christ, and this story. When I told him about the 50 miler he said, “what the H – E - double hockey sticks? Are you serious?” It was a fun conversation.
Thanks Kyle. I’m jealous you’ve heard Willard speak. When Ryan and Sara were over a while ago Sara was telling Carrie and I how they were once in a small group setting with him – Willard even commended her for asking some sort of compelling question – the question escapes me at the moment… anyway, it was a good one. Like you said, he is an intellectual giant. His book, “The Divine Conspiracy” is still one of my favorites, a manifesto of sorts. I am probably due for a re-read.
Ray, thanks for reading and for the words. Any talent I have is because He put it there. I’m not saying I don’t work hard, because I do, but I love doing it – every second… for that, I have Him to thank.
I’m off to bed – thanks again for reading!
Click here to check out Newton’s shoes!
http://www.newtonrunning.com/
I’ll check back in soon!
–jc
Josh-
Awesome blog!! I love your ability to share moments in life when you have doubt or fear or questions. It keeps you very real to the readers. Those questions or fears are not a lack of belief, but rather a desire to have our needs and wants met on our time. I love that a 50 mile race has turned into a metaphor for a spiritual walk with God. Plenty of ups and downs, moments of wanting to become “ant-man”, and a clear and definitive need to trust in God. What is so cool about your story, is that this event is your life!!
Your prayer that God use you is being answered Josh. You are touching and changing lives right now. Just as you did in the 50 mile race, trust in God’s timing, it is perfect. You have a powerful message and a great talent to share it. I can’t wait for your next “running blog”.
All the best, Jim
May 19th, 2008 at 2:21 pmI have been looking at the newton shoes. Not sure if this is the place so you can email me at trackrunner220@hotmail.com but I am wondering if they are worth the money
May 19th, 2008 at 3:09 pmI have been looking at the newton shoes. Not sure if this is the place so you can email me at trackrunner220@hotmail.com but I am wondering if they are worth the money. Obviously you are sponsored so you cant say any negatives openly haha joking but…I was just intrigued by the shoe and couldnt find many reviews around
May 19th, 2008 at 3:11 pmWow! What a testimony to God’s power! I shed some tears when I saw your Mom’s post.
May 20th, 2008 at 12:09 pmI have Multiple Sclerosis and I still run with no problems. My doctor(non-believer)is amazed that I can run and I always tell him it’s God. So hopefully God can use me to cause him to think.
My running verses: Heb 12:1-3!
Anyway, I’m praying for you and your family.
Blessings,
Corey
Josh,
You are touching many peoples lives because you choose to live for Him. Your boldness and zeal for God shows in all that you do. God does use ordinary people to do extraordinary things. As much as you were created to run and pursue hard after God, you are a preacher, evangelist, called to reconcile, and so much more. You know the meaning of endurance, perseverance as it says in James 1, which builds characterand brings hope. God is your source of life, encouragement and hope.
PS - Your mom is awesome. And you are a blessed, blessed man. Continue to walk in His favor.
Rock on!
May 20th, 2008 at 5:00 pmHey Josh,
Taking another break from the dissertation to read my favorite blogster … Mr. Josh Cox: Writer of all that is Fabulous!
Goodness, this video gives me goosebumps. I think I have watched a clip from it before on your other site, but watching it again within the context of the past 2 blogs made it all the more powerful.
What an absolute profound statement of the power of faith. I pray that everyone can have a moment like you experienced on the trail … a moment that is so amazing it is forever etched in your heart and your soul.
This past weekend, I was having a conversation with someone I love very much and we began speaking about faith. I don’t think I ever really knew until this particular conversation that he did not believe and I have known him my whole life. I guess I just always assumed he did … it was unsettling.
He began to tell me how it was a lot easier for him to believe in evolution than to think we were just all created. My heart just ached because I knew that nothing I could say would change how he felt … I acknowledged his concerns and thoughts and told him that it can be difficult for us to fully understand and comprehend all that God is capable of because He is bigger than any of us. I went through a list a various thoughts, examples, etc. and he just shook his head. My eyes just filled with tears, and I asked him, “but what if you are wrong?” immediately, the following Nichole Nordeman lyrics came to my mind:
What if you’re right
He was just another nice guy
What if you’re right
What if it’s true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true
What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then
But what if you’re wrong
What if there’s more
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He’s more than enough
What if it’s love
What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That’s all you find
What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told
And retold
‘Cause you’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you’re wrong
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He’s more than enough
What if it’s love
He just looked at me and said, “Jodi, I wish I had your faith” it was at that moment that I asked God to help him experience a moment where he finds the faith he wishes he had.
Thank you Josh for all that you share and the wonderful way you communicate with all of us. Each entry is a joy to read.
Smiles, Hugs, and Prayers to you and Carrie!
~ Jodi
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 amDude great insight into your life and gods calling to not only you but all who seek Jesus. As a quote from your blog is so true:
“Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists.”
- Blaise Pascal, French Mathematician, physicist, and religious philosopher
We as people need to investigate and find out for each of our selves, could Jesus be truly god? As that is the whole point of the Bible either he is or he is a lier or lunatic. We need to examine this, as it is simply tragic to go your whole life without examining this, as Jesus himself proclaimed, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” — John 14:6 (NKJV). We all need to take a look at what Jesus proclamed about himself.
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:53 pmJosh, I loved your blog on Miracle 50. I love the way God is using you. I know your mom, and when you said you were running this race for her, it brought tears to my eyes. She is a wonderful Godly woman and you are a precious gift from God to her.
May 25th, 2008 at 5:59 pmMy husband and I were also at your fathers funeral. The eulogy on your father and the poem you wrote made me cry. My husband played both roles: your fathers and yours. I respect what you wrote. It gave me a better understanding of what my husband had gone through in life and why he acted the way he did. I said “did” because he found Jesus and became a born-again Christian and loves the Lord. Thank you how you are that open vessel God uses wherever you go. Keep on running the race of life.
Hey Josh! It’s great to re-live that story again! Thanks for sharing! I’m glad I was able to be there at that time in your life!
Right around those years God was revealing Himself and His power clearly to me as well in a major way through many events! Those years were the biggest spiritual growth spurt of my life to date! You were around for a lot of it!
Thank God for LU track and field and my teammates such as yourself! Who would have thought that God would use running as the major way to reveal Himself to me and you!
I don’t know if you remember or not, but a lot of us made a commitment as teammates that we were going to read through the Bible together! A few of us actually followed through! That was the first time that I ever sat down and read straight through my Bible cover to cover!
As Coach Tolsma has said many times “God calls us to be faithful”!
Again, thank God for my teammates, coaches, and LU track and field who helped me stay the course! It’s awesome to look back and see how God was orchestrating everything in our lives!
That 50 miler was just one of many stories of how God was shaping you in those years as you eluded too in your blog! I look forward to more blogs!
To anyone who may be reading, the stories are great to read, but they pale in comparison to actually having been there and watched God work! Great times!
May 26th, 2008 at 9:06 pmVery encouraging, Josh. It’s soooo easy to lose faith in God in this “sensory” world of text messaging, technology, Ipods, ego, celebrity, etc, etc…Just simple faith that seems so constrary to everything in today’s society. Your race is a friendly reminder that God is there to help me/us, if only I’d humble myself and ask! Thanks.
May 26th, 2008 at 9:16 pmHi Josh,
I’ve enjoyed seeing how God has been giving you a platform to speak for him over the last several years. It’s my prayer that you will continue to defend the faith and proclaim truth!
I had a rocky relationship with my dad also, but will have to wait until we are together in the Father’s presence to experience reconciliation. However, it was my dad’s death when I was 17 that was one of the things God used to draw me to himself, and now 16 years later He is still healing my heart. I have a friend whose father also passed away, and it became the catalyst for him beginning to seek Christ. His comment to me one day when we were out running the trails was that he was confident both of our dad’s would die all over again if they knew it would be the thing that would bring us to Christ. Now I’m a dad and some of these things make more sense than they used to. The song quote your mom posted sums up where I’ve been the last few years with memories of my dad — “cherishing the good times and forgiving the bad times.”
I’m gearing up for WS 100 on 6/28…hoping for a strong run there this year!
tim
May 27th, 2008 at 5:11 pmJosh,
Thanks for that reminder on His awesome power, especially in these few days before the Rock n’ Roll Marathon … Funny, that same passage came to me, too, at the Long Beach Marathon/Half Marathon back in October. I was stuck behind a pace group on the boardwalk and didn’t want to run in the sand to get around them … as I grew frustrated and impatient, the part that I felt God telling me was “those who trust in the Lord (or ‘wait’ as in the NIV) … ” as if He was asking me if I really trusted in Him. I mean, it’s easy to say, but hard to really live it, you know. Anyway, I just prayed the last part of that passage over, and as soon as the course got back out on the street, I was able to get going again … I ended up with a PR by about 3 minutes in the half.
There were a couple times where the Lord met me during a race, but none really as eye-opening as that …
Praying God’s best for you …
Alan
May 28th, 2008 at 1:56 am(San Diego raised, Morse High grad)
JC, great read! I was only about 3.5 hours behind you in finishing that day. I too am one of Jerry’s kids, and a Horton kool-aid drinker still living in Lynchburg. Thanks for the inspirational testimony!!
May 28th, 2008 at 10:56 amI loved what Ray wrote and I would have to echo his sentiments, “You paint pictures in my head with the words you write.” As I was reading through the story, the imagery you created with your words was awesome.
Again, it brings me great joy to read the impact that you are having on your readers; and I don’t just mean as your friend, but as a Follower of Christ. And to have those sweet words form your mom is truly something to cherish.
The past few weeks I’ve been somewhat tormented by the fact that I felt my prayer life wasn’t cutting the mustard. But of course I found numerous ways to convince myself of the contrary. But halfway through reading your story, I realized that indeed it was true, I needed to step it up with the fervency and frequency of my prayers. So thank you for that.
Keep it up man, can’t wait to talk again. I promise Diana and I will be kickin’ it with you and Carrie very soon. There’s no way I’m leaving that offer on the table!
Love ya bro’,
vc
May 29th, 2008 at 12:58 amJosh,
Awesome blog can’t believe I just caught part II. I pray I have an expierence like this in my first full marathon in december. If not whenever and wherever I feel GOD’s power like this I’m sure i’ll be blessed! Keep up the motivation, Thanks
Kyle
May 29th, 2008 at 10:55 pmHey loyal blog readers!
My sincerest apologies for the delay on the next installment! I was a bit under the weather last week (sick enough not to run for 4 days) so I didn’t get any writing done. I promise to get it finished tonight and fired off to Adam by morning!
I’ll address the rest of the comments here after the shoot. (I’m at a photo shoot for http://ScottUSA.com
They have some SWEET bikes!)
Talk soon, thanks for reading!
–jc
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:59 pmGreat story, I’ve heard of you winning this race in the past and it was really cool to get a play by play. The reason I feel compelled to reply is that I have an oddly similar story. I was running the Charlotte Thunder Road Marathon back in 06 when I was 17, and I too heard the word of God out of the blue. My PB at the time was over 4 hours as my running consisted of showing up to some XC practices and then jumping in the Boston Marathon every year. I was young and didn’t understand what went into training. I would train like a boxer, a month or two out from the race on. I had only run 20-35 mpw when I entered this race being in NC for a weekend.
I lined up with the 3:00 pace team and was shocked to hear that the course was harder and hillier than my Boston. To top it off it was 6 degrees out. The first 2 miles were 6:30-40ish and all uphill. The entire race went uphill, with little to no downhills. I passed the half at 1:35 but by mile 16 I was barely hanging on. Every detail cop I saw I pleaded , ” When do we go downhill!?” and I just received smirks and shrugs. Before mile 20 prayed out loud. Fisr it was ” Our Father ” and then it turned to pleading with God. I yelled that if he would get me through this, give me the wind to keep climbing these hills that I would start going to Church more and be a better person. I meant it, I really did. As I prayed, I swear on my life that my pace picked up. For no reason I was granted a 3rd wind, flying again or so it felt. The last two miles were a breeze, I joked with people who looked at me like I was mad. I came in at 3:33, and with that hilly course I took that time with a smirk.
Your story remined me that I still owe God, and that I should continue to help others and try to be a good person. Thank you and good luck with your running btw I hope you get better soon from your cold.
-Alex
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:48 amHey Josh! Wow, I just want to thank you for this blog! It is amazing, and I love the fact that you point out that God has the ability to speak to all of us. We must learn not to limit his power, God does have time to be a part of anything and everything! God can speak to every single person all at the same time only if we would all allow him to! Thanks again and God Bless!
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June 12th, 2008 at 9:43 pmJosh,
August 9th, 2008 at 2:30 pmMy son, Dylan, and I heard you speak today in Elkton. You were very motivating, but I have to say reading your blog was insipational. I can only hope that one day my faith will be as strong as yours, the way it was before. You mentioned a dark period…I feel I’m in my doubting period. I have to turn it around. Why did my house burn? Maybe instead of why, I need to be grateful that my children and I got out. Why are we dealing with all of our personal loss (dealing with the fire)? Maybe it’s a sign I have all I need. I’m still searching. One mile at a time. Maybe one mile at a time, my weight will come off and my times will be faster. Thank you for your words. It was a pleasure meeting you today. We’ll be watching as you make it to the 2012 Olympics.
Sincerely,
Tina
P.S.-Happy Birthday!!!