Josh Cox: Ad Finem
(Elite Athlete Blog - Entry #3)
Posted February 26th, 2008 at 12:15 PM by Josh Cox
Section: News & Results, Marathons, Motivation, Track & Field, Famous Quotes, Elite Athlete Blogs, Josh Cox
Welcome to the official blog of U.S. marathon runner Josh Cox.
Check back every other Wednesday for his latest entry and for more information about Cox, also please visit: www.joshcox.com
In ‘97 Cox ran and won a 50-mile ultra, in ’99 he ran his first marathon making him the youngest Trials qualifier. The following year he clocked 2:13, which opened the door for him to train with the world’s best in Kenya. Cox has tried his hand at Reality TV, been all over magazine covers and is a fixture in the sport.
Ad Finem – The Dream Carcass
Ad Finem – Latin: To the end/towards the end (of a page, a chapter, or a three-part, Latin-laced blog at TheFinalSprint.com)
The heights by great men reached and kept,
Were not attained by sudden flight.
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night.— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Well, I wake in the morning,
Fold my hands and pray for rain.
I got a head full of ideas
That are drivin’ me insane.
It’s a shame the way she makes me scrub the floor.
I ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more.”— “Maggie’s Farm” by Bob Dylan
“Don’t you let it all pass you by
Looking through life’s window pane
Don’t you sit around wasting time
That would be a crying shameThere’s a power that’s deep inside
And it burns just like a flame
Just believe and you’ll see that God
Will shower you like pouring rainIf you want it
You can change your world today
If you want it
Just break free and walk away”— “If You Want It” by Lenny Kravitz
It’s closing time. Clear the dance floor and move toward the exits. Club Latin is shutting down. The night was fun, the music was great but everything with a beginning has an end. Temet Nosce, Carpe Diem . . . Ad Finem. The music has stopped, the lights are on, but as the bouncers usher you out I hand you a promoter’s card—don’t worry, it’s nothing scandalous, I’m like Kix®, kid-tested and mother approved. Well, most mothers . . .
We’ll begin with Jodi’s comment from “Carpe Diem“:
“Our passion may exceed our actual talent (think of all the American Idol auditions for example). If we place too much focus on allowing that passion to become our life’s work and do not have the actual ability to make it happen, [we face disappointment] … gosh we would all LOVE to have [the opportunity to make a career out of what we love], but for so many of us, it really isn’t an option. That is not being pessimistic, it is being realistic.”
I could not disagree more. If I ever own a company I’ll hire people who love their jobs, people whose work is their passion.
English novelist E. M. Forster said, “One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested.”
Profound.
Trouble is most people, Idol contestants included, don’t take an honest inventory of their talents. Their gifts don’t align with their passions. I often wonder if those second-rate singers have friends, “Actually William, you’re horrible. You make my ears bleed.”
This is why Temet Nosce is paramount; why it’s the foundation to our life’s work. Neo’s Oracle, The Temple at Delphi, Paul’s letter to the people of Galatia, “make a careful exploration of who you are…” And his letter to Timothy, “Cultivate these things. Immerse yourself in them.” It all starts with knowing yourself.
Case in point; my brother in law, Daniel Jeremiah. DJ was a record setting high school athlete and had a successful collegiate football career. The pigskin was his passion but playing in the NFL wasn’t an option. So he took inventory. He examined and knew; he cultivated and immersed. What were his talents? His athletic gifts wouldn’t get him the NFL but he believed his knowledge of the sport and his eye for evaluating talent could. He followed his heart. He worked the NFL draft for a few years, that led to being hired by ESPN’s Sunday Night Football as a spotter. DJ was the guy with the binoculars telling Theismann and Maguire which lineman jumped prior to the snap. A few years later he received an opportunity to prove himself as a bottom-rung scout with the Baltimore Ravens. Today he holds a National Scouting position in the Browns organization. I love this guy; he bleeds type A.
That’s one story. There are thousands more.
I was talking to race announcer Toni Reavis last weekend; we were talking about Mike Long, how he found his calling at 45. Toni said that if you love your sport then you find a way to stay in it after your career is finished. Mike wasn’t going to win races but he had a gift, a special gift. Everyone loved him; he had a way with people.
A five-hour marathoner who wants to make a national team needs to take a look in the mirror and read the Temet Nosce blog a few hundred times. But there are plenty of ways for that runner to be involved in the sport - if that’s their calling. Most people don’t take the time to figure out the other avenues.
I love music. Not casually, I’m obsessed. I have over 50,000 songs in my library. It’s on all day, I pick lyrics apart, I buy old records but I’m smart enough – just barely - to know I’ll never be a rock star. Although, my Bob Marley and Kriss Kross impressions are solid for a white boy, I won’t be packing arenas anytime soon. I do have some tricks up my sleeve.
Know thyself.
What do I love? I love God, I love to run, I love story, I love to write, and I love music. Our passions don’t have to be divergent interests. I’ve been working on a book for nearly two years - I’ve synthesized the passions of my heart. When passions collide we are onto something new and ground breaking. What I’m working on has never been attempted – perhaps for good reason, we’ll see. But most importantly, when you’re told to build an ark, you do it… then you fold your hands and pray for rain.
The truth is this:
Most people don’t want to pay the price. Everyone wants to be invited to the feast but no one wants to fast; everyone wants to rest by the oasis but no one wants to travel through the desert. They want the wine but not the Sweet‘N Low water.
It’s fear - fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of not having any money.
Paul of Tarsus - was he a tent maker or an evangelist? Sometimes we have to make some tents to facilitate doing what we love.
Remember the “Jesus walking on water” story? Refresher: It’s four in the morning, there’s this big storm, Jesus’ boys are manning the oars on their boat, and Jesus shows up walking on the waves. They think He’s a ghost; He assures them He’s not. Peter says, “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come.” Jesus calls and Peter walks… for a moment. But he takes his eyes off his friend and sees the wind and the waves. He’s afraid; he sinks, Jesus saves then rebukes, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
There’s a host of lessons here. Don’t take your eyes off your destination and quit worrying about the wind and waves. But before we become overly critical of Peter, we need to recognize the most important point in the whole story. Peter stepped out – what about the others?
Peter was passionate. If he’s wasn’t stepping out of boats he was jumping out of them. (John 21) Remember when Judas and his posse stormed the garden to grab Jesus? (John 18) Judas kisses him, the mob attacks and what does Peter do? I can almost hear him, “I don’t think so, sucka!”
He draws his sword and tries to kill the chief priest’s servant Malchus. Malchus moves but Peter’s sword catches him and leaves him one ear short of a pair. Peter was trying to cut the guy in half, or maybe just going for the arm that would have drawn his sword, but just an ear? No way. You swing your sword and it’s on, Peter could have been killed right there on the spot. Sure he denied his friend three times, but again where were the others?
I doubted. I didn’t act on my call for years – a call to write and minister in addition to running. I trusted the Guy on the waves but fear kept me hiding; I was living an apathetic life. Those who know me are saying, “No, hold on. Josh is focused and driven. He isn’t apathetic.” But I assure you, if Henry Thoreau ever had a “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation” club I could have been the President.
I may not have appeared apathetic but only a man knows the dreams on which he fails to act. In my opinion, some of the greatest calls for dreams and ideas are held captive in the hearts and minds of men and women who the world views as colossal successes. These dreams and ideas never reach the light of day; they are never acted upon or attempted because these individuals are comfortable with their place in life. They have already achieved and have success so there is no reason to step out again, there is no motivation for them to risk. It’s rare for a ground breaking idea to come from obscurity. Great ideas come from those who are already successful.
I’m a runner. I’m a success. Through sponsors and real estate ventures I’ve made healthy six figures. I don’t say those things to boast and brag, I’m just saying that the view from the outside looking in is often diametrically opposed to the view from the inside out. Write? Why let people into my heart, mind and thoughts? I’m weird - I don’t want people to know that. Why risk?
But I now know two things:
1) There are few things that will kill a man faster than the carcass of a dream residing within the living.
Had I never answered the call, I suspect my death would have been agonizing. The dream dies and this dead dream, this dead call to which I never responded, begins to rot, spreading disease and sickness to the rest of the organs. Oh, I can hear the moans already, some of you feel I am overstating and being overly dramatic. While others of you know just what I’m talking about, those of you whose dying dreams have cried out again and again to your neglectful ears and unheeding heart. You feel the stirring of that dream now. You know exactly what your dream looks like and feels like. You close your eyes and you see it… There it is - your very own, personal, dying dream. You don’t talk about it, you don’t write it down but you know your dream by name and your dream knows you.
The dream carcass can be deadly. I know. I was dying once. Judging by the initial pangs of pain, I am sure that few things could possibly create the sort of mental and physical anguish like the lifeless carcass of the unfulfilled dream.
2) God doesn’t just give a call; He places a call.
His call isn’t spoken to the ears, the mind and it isn’t even spoken to our hearts. His call enters one’s heart, finds a place there and never goes away. No matter how far I ran, no matter how many girls I dated, no matter how much I drank, or how many cars or houses I bought, nothing could muzzle the call within. I could run to the ends of the earth but as the old adage says, “wherever you go, there you are.”
Knowing you are meant for more is like having a bad itch that you can never get rid of, one of those really annoying ones in that spot in the middle of your back that you can’t seem to reach. I knew I was called to do more, to be more. The “itch” manifests itself as that pestering voice. You hear it over and over and over again; there is no escaping it, it constantly itches.
Having success and being a success are two entirely separate ideas. Success is all relative; to the folks that I met in the months training over in the villages throughout Kenya, a man with a bike, some bread and a hut is viewed as a success, where that same man in the States is viewed as a bum. The world has all sorts of notions regarding success but those ideas are inconsequential. There is only One who truly knows if you have been faithful with what has been entrusted.
There’s a story I love about a master and his three servants (Matthew 25:14-30). The master entrusts them all with different amounts of talent. The servants don’t get a say in how much talent they received, the talents are given to each “according to his ability.” He knows these men; he knows their capabilities. He knows exactly what He has entrusted. All their talents, abilities and most importantly every last dream and every last call he has placed in their hearts. The master is the Dream Giver – at the end of the story the servants settle accounts.
Before my dad passed the two of us were in his hospice room. After a few hours our conversation turned to our passions and dreams. It always took my dad a while to get warmed up. Sadly, I didn’t realize this until the end, or Ad Finem, if you will.
We were talking and his eyes welled, he looked at me and said, “I guess I’ll just tell Jesus I’m sorry.”
Neither of us said a word. Silence. Dead silence. What could I say? Twenty minutes passed.
“Dad, you’ll make a difference whether you’re here or not. I promise.”
Don’t be sorry.
I’m not naïve enough to think that even a quarter of my blog readers put their confidence in the Man I trust but my point stands - don’t die with a song in your heart and don’t let your dream die while you live. Don’t have regrets. Don’t compromise your heart. Give everything, follow your heart, risk, put all your chips on the line - that’s when we live. Chase your passions, do the thing that makes you come alive, do the thing you are not sure you can do. Do that and you truly live - do that and you have already won. Risk is good; risk is living.
I’ll close with the first country song I ever loved - Garth Brook’s “The River”. I didn’t have it on my computer so I listened to a teenager named Tyson sing it on YouTube.
You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin’ as it flows
And a dreamer’s just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what’s behind you
And never knowing what’s in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shoresAnd I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I’ll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dryToo many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
‘Til what we put off ’til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don’t you sit upon the shoreline
And say you’re satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide…There’s bound to be rough waters
And I know I’ll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all…So I will sail my vessel
‘Til the river runs dry- Garth Brooks, “The River.” Ropin’ the Wind, Capitol Nashville, 1991
Written while listening to: Lenny Kravitz’ new album Love Revolution, Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds - Live at Radio City Music Hall, The Fight Club Soundtrack, Shawn McDonald’s Live in Seattle, Sheryl Crow’s Detours and The Ramones’ Leave Home.
Stay tuned for Josh’s next entry on Wednesday, March 5th!
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